you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
