How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
