I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
