i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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