ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
