So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
