they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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