Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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