Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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