I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
