And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
