It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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