My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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