Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
