Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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