forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
