What a fucking waste of an outfit
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
