so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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