Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You ruined the universe
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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