it was like eating out sand paper
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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