Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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