i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
