So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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