well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
