my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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