"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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