We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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