she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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