i was born a porn star she said
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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