hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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