Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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