I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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