I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
