Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
