i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
