do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
