Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
