I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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