Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
