why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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