I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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