Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
