What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
