all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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