Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
