Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
