if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
