You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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