Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
