Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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