Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
