y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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