oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
