Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
