people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
