what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
