I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
