Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
