i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
