Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
