I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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