There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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