You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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